The past week has been hard. Really hard. I'm trying to keep my eyes on the joyful and wonderful season that this really is. I know that life is often filled with seasons that contain the full spectrum of emotions. I don't want to lose the joy in the drama. I don't want to be robbed.
One thing I can be so thankful for are the people who I'm surrounded by.
My beloved fiance has been awesome. There are no words. He watches my every move for signs that I need a hug or a kiss. There have been some really sudden and severe breakdowns.
My bridesmaids have been amazing and have gone so far beyond normal bridesmaid duty. Two of my bridesmaids drove the ten hour round trip drive to my hometown with me and counseled and prayed and loved on me for three days. Another who could not get off work drove 14 hours round trip to be there for five hours. My sister was everything a sister was supposed to be and more.
The shower was beautiful and although it was a smaller crowd, it was exactly the people I needed to be there in my mother's absence.
And this weekend I have one here in DFW that should be easier, because most of the potential attendees have never met my mother. They will assume she couldn't make the trip up here. There won't be a need to explain.
I'm trying to get to the place where I'm not angry and I don't want to blast her publicly.
I'm not there yet.
