Why I'm glad I was an older bride

As I watched so many of my friends and associations walk down the aisle by the time they were 22 or 23, I worried that I would never have a husband and family. By the time I turned 30, my hope had dwindled to a scary place regarding those dreams. I didn't understand why it had to be that way.

I'm starting to be thankful for the years of struggling to make my own way and the skills I picked up as a survivor of those hard seasons. I certainly feel stupid where marriage skills are concerned. I fight like a girl and find myself pretty much fumbling through the relationship stuff as if I'm on roller skates on a rink covered in oil. I am confident in the hard lessons I've learned about finances and my ability to brainstorm till I find a solution.

I think of the young brides in my life, and I wonder how much harder they had it. When you join your life with someone, you don't really know how well equipped they are for the future. It's all guesswork till you yoke yourself with them what they are really made of. I'm thankful that I know what I'm made of. I'm thankful that I know myself well enough to know that I'm a survivor.

I have had both kinds of surprises where doorway man is concerned. I have seen him respond and give in to fear, and I have seen him rise up and be bold and courageous. I once heard intimacy described as "in to me see", and it's true. I'm sure he's seeing my best and my worst as we walk together as well.

I am so glad I had those years to grow into me and learn the things I've learned. I'm glad he had those years, too. I'm hoping it makes this process easier to grow into. So far I'm thankful.

Money, money, money, money, Mon-ey

We have entered a difficult phase of life recently. My dear sweet doorway man has had all kinds of issues with finding a job...and keeping one. At first, it was learning experiences that were very frustrating. He learned with his first two jobs that you can't call in sick the second week of work. He has kept a security job that does large events for several months while looking for other more consistent work. But some weeks there are no hours. He just got signed on with another security company that does events, so that's going to be similar, I'm afraid. That's just it. I am afraid. Yesterday, we found out that because of my vast wealth and prosperity of my $30,000/year income and no savings or assets, he will now get a $700 month cut in his disability benefits. I've worked so hard the last ten years to restore my credit from the stupidity of my college financial decisions. It just sickens me to think that with the cut if we don't both find better income, we will be homeless in a few months and lose everything. Something has to give.

We have so far been doing things right and drawing from each other strength and support in tough times. We've gone from an adversarial approach of fear to reminding each other that we are a team and vowing to do whatever we have to to make our lives work. Marriage is a miracle, and God is revealing that to me more all the time. These trials are bringing both of us into oneness and revealing and stripping away our selfishness. It's a different journey for me. I'm so thankful for this man that God gave me.

I don't want to be afraid. I want to walk in confidence in God's provision and know that my husband is seeing his heavenly father come through for him in ways that others have failed him.