My story...
At thirty-five and one month of age, I'd pretty much broken my own heart into a trillion pieces. I was raised in a very conservative Christian family, and my misunderstanding of what kind of mate God had for me had almost destroyed me. I have a very strong personality. I've been a prominent leader in almost every church I've attended since I was a child. While a strong personality is an asset as a leader, it can really be an issue when finding a mate. I'd always thought I needed a man with a stronger personality than mine to have a godly balance in my household in marriage. He had to play the alpha role if I was going please God. So I had a severely unsuccessful dating life full of insecure alphas, controlling abusers, and shameless cheaters. I didn't date much either, because finding someone that could "handle me" was a pretty specific bill.
Since I don't go to bars and church had proven to be a very bad place to meet men for me, I decided that I would see what the interwebs had to offer. After all, all good things are found online! So I took my strong and adventurous personality to the free dating site underworld.
I had some trial and error for about a year and a half getting to this point, but I hadn't been brutally murdered and disposed of with a paper shredder, so I figured I was pretty good at this online dating thing. Not exactly a resume skill, but a skill nonetheless. And although finding a husband seemed pretty unlikely since all my eggs were vested for retirement with a down payment on a condo in Florida, I thought I would keep trying.
So I met him online.
We talked for a few weeks online and over the phone. I had a three week rule before I would meet guys in person. I'm super safety conscious, verging on paranoid. This weeded out men looking for one-night stands and gave me time to screen them for red flags.
Future Dh was different from the start. I was pretty sure he was all wrong for me, but he was very nice. I had some serious reservations.
1. He told me up front that he was disabled and didn't work.
2. He lived with his mother.
3. He was such a mild temperament and I wasn't sure that he would have what it took to "keep me in line".
4. Catholic upbringing.
5. He didn't drive.
Even before our first date, I had already decided he was destined for the friend zone, but I decided one little date wouldn't hurt.
I pulled up to the Chili's and this HUGE man was standing outside. (Sidenote: Future Dh is 6'7" tall and his shoulders are almost that broad. *Imagine a doorway with a head.) It was November, and he was wearing shorts, white knee socks and tennis shoes, and an oversized sports t-shirt and a baseball cap. My immediate thought was that he looked like he had lost his daddy at the ballpark, minus the worn beloved stuffed monkey.
First date was painful. He barely spoke as he ate his dinner. When he suggested the date continue after dinner with a movie, I internally groaned. I didn't want to be rude, but I really wanted to go home and I didn't want to risk my safety by letting him ride in my car on the first date. After looking him over and having that same picture of the young boy at the ballpark with the missing monkey, I decided I would be safe and go to a movie with him.
We decided to see Flight with Denzel Washington, which we would both decide was a horrible movie. It was an old theater with the old style chairs with the seats that fold up when you stand. The only two seats together were next to a wall. I decided to go in first and take the seat next to the wall. I step on the feet and hands of 54 angry people to get to my wall seat and attempt to sit down. My seat is broken. Lopsided. Might not be attached on one side. I decide to tough it out. Then the human doorway sits down. I now am occupying approximately a 3 inch space. I quickly realize that proximity might encourage some kind of intimacy like hand holding, so I decide that I had to find a way to create space between us. I needed distance. Fortunately, due to accident in a lab years ago, I was able to use my suction cup fingers and other spidy skills to climb the wall enough to create the necessary buffer between myself and the doorway man. Crisis averted.
The ride to take him home was filled with polite, but pointed references to a wonderful tropical life together in the friend zone where there's always a seat or two between us in theaters.
Good date. See ya.
(To be continued...)
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