Mama bear

Don't get too excited. I'm not pregnant. Fingers crossed not for a little while...

I'm discovering a very deep, very intense part of myself when it comes to my husband. I saw it on some level when the opposition to our decision to marry was in high gear.

Mama bear.

I find myself as a watchman on the wall, looking for potential dangers that threaten the future of our family or that attack my husband specifically.

I've noticed that there are alot of threats. Satan hates marriage. I believe that is because it is something holy, and it's designed to be representative of the relationship we get to have with Jesus in heaven.
I see things the enemy sends to tear him down as a man, emasculate him, and I hate those things. Words that others speak over him, curses and such, are an enemy to my marriage. The ones I have to hate the worst are the ones that my own tongue wants to throw in moments of frustration.

I've done pretty well overall, because I know words carry so much power. I've had some weak moments, but God has kept me in check.

I also have been challenged by one of his so called friends that I would really like to put my fist between his eyes. He's the kind of person that puts my husband on blast on social media, throwing his past mistakes out publicly for all to see. I don't understand my husband's loyalty to someone who speaks so hatefully to him and about him. I asked him today if they had hidden a body somewhere at some point together, because I would have totally ditched this guy by now.

So I walk a fine line on this issue. My husband is not my child, and he is not helpless. If I step in and try to fight his battles, I emasculate him. So I chime in only as a supportive presence in these conversations, then I back off and let him fight it on his own knowing that I'm in his corner.

With my family I made a choice that I am living with. I chose my man, and my relationship with my parents may never again be what it was. But that relationship would have changed anyway, just maybe not as much. I've grieved the loss of the closeness and trust that I enjoyed for so long, but I don't regret the decision I made. Some days are harder than others. I believe time will heal, but that season of being under their covering is over. We will have to build a new relationship, hopefully a more healthy one than before. I'm praying that the unhealthy aspects of our past relationship fall away during this time.

I've become very protective of this man that God gave me, and of the beautiful covenant growing us into one life. And I like it. It feels right.