The move is over, but the fat lady is not singing.

I love my new house. I'm so proud of what God has done by making this opportunity available to us.

It's been a rough move. I started packing a few weeks ago and have learned through many moves that I'm not good at it. I'm just not good at getting ready for them. I'm not good at the stress of it. I'm not good at organizing it. I pack myself and hire movers, but it still is ridiculous how much I end up moving myself and how many loads there are.

This is my second move since I've been with Doorway Man. We were engaged and I moved into the apartment we would share once we got married. The movers came and I was not ready. We took loads in mine and his dad's car for days after the movers came. It was horrible, but we got it done. Doorway Man was a real champ. Then over the course of the next few months, he moved his stuff in.

This time has been different. I guess at some point Doorway Man decided this was not his move, so he managed to not help the entire move. He kind of half-@$$ed packed his collection of sports memorabilia, but he pretty much decided that he would find something else to do and not help with the rest of the house. At. All.

I'm really mad.

I've begged him to help me, but he's made every excuse he cam think of and disappeared every time any work was actually being done. And any time I got onto him about it, he got mad and has refused to acknowledge that he's done me wrong.

I'm really hurt.

I feel like his selfishness stole the spotlight for me on the happiness of us getting our first house. He's been pretty mean and I think his coldness toward me and his shirking responsibility on this has become really personal.

He really let me down, and I feel like when the chips were down, he didn't do right by me, and it's not because he can't. He just didn't want to.

So, I'm not sure where we go from here. I keep trying to remind myself that a bad two weeks does not equal a bad life. I'm so tired. I'm tired of this move. I'm tired of fighting with my husband. I'm tired of feeling like I'm about to burst into tears.

I'm so embarrassed.

I'm embarrassed that I'm married to the kind of man that would treat his wife this way. I don't want to tell anyone how bad it's been, because I'm embarrassed that he's acted this way, and I feel like I let him.  I feel like maybe I've enabled him in some way that he knew that whether he helped or not, I would get it done. I'm embarrassed that I didn't just tell him that if he didn't help me, I wasn't going to do it either. I wish I'd had the freedom to do that.

I believe that you teach people how to treat you, and I don't ever intend to be treated this way again. Don't worry, I'm not thinking of leaving him or anything that serious. I just need God to give me wisdom on how to communicate with him exactly how wrong he has been to treat me this way.

I know I need to forgive, and I will. Tonight, I'm so tired and so upset that I just don't think I can get there. I wish I could show him what he's done and he could see it and repent. I need him to see what he's done and show remorse.