A life of romance realized. Part 2

Although we had a rough start, there was something about him. A deep sweetness and tenderness that I couldn't seem to shake. He let the little boy in him show. There was a real beauty in the innocence of his heart. I saw it in little ways.

So many times, men are afraid to really smile. I'm not sure why, but they smile stiffly as if smiling makes them effeminate or weak. I guess when you are doorway man, no one questions your manhood over a smile lest they be crushed by the tip of a massive finger.

But he smiles without restraint, not in a creepy way, but like a kid opening Christmas presents. I like that. No, I love that.

As we got to know each other, he told me things of his childhood that would have made lesser people a slave to bitterness. Not him. He remembers the good parts of his interactions with people and the bad was just a moment of the whole timeline, a blip on the radar that is over now. Interesting... I can't do that. I wish I could be like that. We should all be like that.

After our first date, we mostly talked on the phone. We had a few meetings that he would call dates. I tried not to lead him on and was determined to redirect him to the friend zone.

He tried to kiss me on two different occasions, and both times he was met with a half step below self defense violence. (Future Dh claims he was reaching for his cell phone one of those times and grazed the side of my face with his lips.)

This inspired a talk that consisted of several rules.
1. You are to make no moves on me in the car. Closeness in proximity does not constitute an invitation.
2. At my house, we sit on separate couches unless I decide otherwise.
3. If you violate these rules, you will not see me again.

There. That's how it is. Deal with it, buddy.

The conversation above happened shortly before the first time he came to my house. We sat on separate couches awkwardly and the crickets chirped wildly.

A few days later, he called me. He sounded nervous. He said he noticed that I had alot of Asian stuff in my house and he had heard there was a cool Asian light festival in downtown Dallas. He asked me if I'd let him take me to it.

I had some friends who had seen it and said it was really a nice display and that I should go. I did want to go. Beyond that, something broke inside me. When you have pretty much only dated narcissistic psychopaths, you don't know how to process a development like this. I realized that I had never had a man that I dated do anything thoughtful for me... Ever. My dad is a good man, and has always looked for little ways to show his love for people that are important. I knew this was something very important to me but I didn't realize how much. This man cared for me. I wanted to be cared for.

I agreed to go with him, but I was still fighting, now internally, to keep him in the friend zone.

The day of the date to the light festival, I went and bought a new outfit from head to toe and got my hair done. I cut it from the middle of my back to a short pixie cut. I knew then that I was in trouble. I liked him. Alot.

I'm not sure how he did it. I was so sure he wasn't my type. The more I got to know him, the more I realized he was right for me.

I still struggled with the things that I had concerns about initially, but as time has gone on, I've seen that those things have not been that big of a deal.

To summarize, I taught him how to drive. It turns out that driving was not as difficult with his disability as he had been told it would be. And he has recently begun working and so far thinks he will enjoy it. When I realized that although he was raised Catholic, his values and beliefs are similar enough to mine, that was not as much of an issue. And... In seventy-six days he won't live with his mother.

Not that we don't have problems. We do. Thus the name of this blog.... Mauwwage for dummies.

The wedding is in 76 days, so I'm definitely not writing a how-to advice blog. If you came here for that.... RUN!!! I'm hoping to laugh at myself and chronicle our struggles as a newlywed couple in a lighthearted way.

I admit that I am too stupid to get married, but I think most people are. I'm sure there will be plenty to write about.